What I Wish I Knew About Toxic Relationships in My 20s
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my past relationships—not with regret, but with gratitude. Each experience shaped me, taught me, and ultimately led me to where I am today. As a certified life coach, I now have a deeper understanding of relationships—what nurtures them, what breaks them, and most importantly, how to recognize the red flags that I once ignored.
If I could sit down with my younger self and share a few hard-earned truths, here’s what I’d say. And if you’re in a relationship that doesn’t quite feel right, I hope these insights help you, too.
The Biggest Lie I Told Myself
In my 20s, I believed that if I just loved harder, forgave faster, stayed peaceful, and never raised my voice, things would get better. I thought that if I didn’t push back, if I didn’t challenge them, the relationship would eventually become what I needed it to be. But here’s the truth:
Love isn’t supposed to break you.
And if it does, then it isn’t love.
The hardest pill to swallow about toxic relationships is realizing that, on some level, you allowed it to happen. I know that’s tough to hear—I had to face it myself. But acknowledging that we tolerated mistreatment is the first step to breaking free.
The Most Dangerous Kind of Toxic Relationship
When we think of toxic relationships, we often picture loud, aggressive, and dramatic fights. Screaming matches, blatant betrayal, and obvious red flags. But the most dangerous toxic relationships?
They’re the quiet ones. The ones that creep into your life under the disguise of passion, deep connection, or even "misunderstood love." The ones where:
You feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells.
You’re told you’re “too sensitive” when you express your emotions.
You’re either “too much” or “never enough.”
They make you feel like the villain for reacting to their hurtful actions.
These relationships don’t always leave visible scars, but they leave you emotionally drained, doubting your worth, and questioning your reality.
The Truth About Leaving a Toxic Relationship
No one warns you about how terrifying it is to leave.
Walking away from someone who made you question your worth isn’t just an emotional challenge—it’s an addiction withdrawal. Toxic relationships function like a drug: they give you a high that feels like love, but they destroy you in the process.
That’s why leaving feels like losing.
But here’s the twist: You don’t lose when you leave. You win.
Because choosing yourself isn’t failure. Choosing yourself is the greatest victory of all.
The Red Flags I Ignored (But You Shouldn’t)
If I had paid attention to these signs earlier, I would have saved myself years of pain. Learn from me—don’t overlook these red flags:
đźš© You feel anxious when their name pops up on your phone.
đźš© You constantly second-guess yourself.
🚩 They never genuinely apologize—only blame.
đźš© They make you feel like you're always at fault.
🚩 You’re exhausted, not from fights, but from proving your worth.
And most importantly:
đźš© Your instincts tell you something is off.
Trust that feeling. If love doesn’t make you feel safe, valued, and appreciated, it isn’t love.
A Powerful Exercise to Break Free
One of the best things I ever did for myself was redefining love.
If you’re unsure whether you're in a toxic relationship, try this:
Write down what love should feel like for you.
It could be:
Kindness
Safety
Peace
Respect
Because when you know what real love looks like, you won’t settle for anything less. And when it finally enters your life, you’ll recognize it instantly. You can also Watch my Youtube video below.
Your Story Can Help Someone Else
If you’ve been through a toxic relationship, you’re not alone. And if you’ve found your way out, your story might be the exact message someone else needs to hear today. Share this with someone who could benefit from this.
